Monday, June 25, 2012

Messy Musings

I thought it might be time for an update. Two warnings: I just took some pain medicine. I might not make sense once I get a few sentences in. And I am typing on my iPad and for some reason blogger doesn't put paragraph breaks when I type on my iPad. So, it may look messy. Oh, and I am not prrofreadint this one. I am going on day 4 after the laparoscopy, day 3 after the allergic reaction. Other than the added medications, the allergy doesn't seen to have left a lasting affect. It may have hindered my healing a bit. But I keep reminding myself that we are only a few short days out from surgery. I started swelling on Saturday. Holy moly! My butt got big! I thought that my abdomen would swell. It did, but not how I expected. My belly button is unrecognizealbe. It is for sure swollen. This was the main entry site. I have three other small entry sites. I have super innie belly button most of the time and it is almost flat as a pancake. This makes me sadder than I ever expected. I know that it will heal and go back to a somewhat normal state. I have pressure all along my sides from swelling and feel like my belly button is going to fall out. I know that it isn't, but it feels like it. And the swelling is decreasing very day. I have been walking a bit around the house, eating, drinking, peeing, and watching lots of mind numbing tv shows on the iPad. My friends and family have taken great care of me. Food, flowers and time have been given. It is so very appreciated. I seriously can't lift much of anything, but I am not supposed to. It is hard to see something that you do on a regular basis, like put dishes in the dish washer, that is harder than normal and really someone else can do that for you. I am trying to keep good track of my pain meds. That can be hard when you start to get loopy. But, it shouldn't be long until I don't need the heavy hitters. I had pain medication induced emotional diarrhea last night. I figured it would happen sometime, but it wasn't to bad. Actually that is why I thought that I would blog a little. You know, those thoughts that creep out that maybe other people are thinking or have thought and you wonder if you are alone? Lots of my thoughts are questions and will be answered by the doctor on Friday or by time itself. Like, was surgery worth it? I mean I didn't have any symptoms and now I freaking hurt and had a potentiall life threatening allergic reaction. Surely I will forget the pain? Especially if she wants to do another surgery! Does this answer questions? I suppose so. I have something to label. Something to treat. Something to ask for healing from. It has made me ask for help, which I am not great at, but I am getting better at. Food fairies are wonderfult things, especially when they take on the form of dear friends. Flowers dot my bedroom and that really brightens my outlook. Does this get us closer to becoming parents? It does explain some infertility. For sure it does. The doctor said that she is going to get us having bambinos. Pregnancy is a great treatment for endometriosis. It really helps people's symptoms. But then, I didn't have symptoms. And there we start the circle all over again. Today is the funeral for my neighbor who passed away. 97. What a long life. I will miss her. I a not sure if I will make it to the funeral. I haven't been out of the house yet. We had said our goodbyes. The last time I saw her she said, " Kara, if I don't see you again here, I'll see you up yonder. I love you." ok, it makes me teary. My response, " you know you will. I love you." really the funeral would be the formality of saying goodbye. But how do you say goodbye to someone who knew you your entire life? She saw me home from the hospital as a baby, gave me candy as a kid, encouraged me in the Lord as a young woman, saw me as a blushing bride, welcomes my husband as neighbor and prayed for me always. I learned a lot about loving the Lord from her. A true, real, solid relationship with God. She'll be missed. But I will see you up yonder Mrs. Williams!!!! We still have neighbors in their 90's. They came to visit with me yesterday. They are a hoot and a half! The Jackson's. Mr. Jackson has known me from the time I was a baby. He confuses me with my sister, but I forgive him because he is 92, I think. His wife, Hazel, married him about 5 years ago. She is 91. She still drives, cooks, exercises and looks not a day over 75. They laugh and pick on each other. I love them. And I live that they came over to check on me and visit. It brightened my day.i do a lot of checking on them, especially when an ambulance shows up at their house! I guess I gave them a scare by me taking off in one. I am sure at some point hazel will bring over some pound cake which I won't be able to eat. She doesn't get the gluten free thing. I'll just accept it and let Dave eat it. I love southern hospitality. Ok, due to the ament that I have written, I will assume that the pain medicine has taken affect. Maybe I can get a nap in. Sleep has been elusive. Here is to hoping for sleep and healing. More musings are to come, I am sure. Thanks you friends, for your prayers, and for forgiving this mess of a post. Maybe I will clean it up later. Maybe not. Hope it has been readable. Night, I mean, morning y'all.

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