IVF Update

Sorry that I haven't been up to date on our IVF process. Turns out that it is an emotional roller coaster. It takes a lot of time and energy. The hormones affect you even when you don't realize it.

Our second cycle of IVF was cancelled at day two of the cycle. I had cysts on both of my ovaries. They had not appeared to be there before and grew larger than doctors like to see them for IVF. Cysts can affect egg maturation as the type that I had seem to "steal" the hormones from the follicles that are trying to develop. I was devastated! More so than I ever imagined that I would be. It happened on a Sunday and thankfully I had some friends who ugly cried with me after Sunday School, prayed for me and gave me chocolate! It just seemed like when things were supposed to go right, they kept going wrong!!

My doctor put me on a very strong birth control pill to see if the cysts would shrink. She said that we would know within two weeks if they were shrinking or not. So, I started the pills and waited. I had never been on one so strong and now I know why people don't like taking them!! My emotions were much more variable than usual! It was quite an adjustment.

It seemed like two weeks was the longest time ever!!! I went in for another ultrasound of my ovaries to discover that the cysts had not shrunk. They had not grown, but they did not reduce in size. The doctor recommended surgery. It was the only way to take care of the cysts quickly and keep the process going. I wasn't too upset about the decision for surgery. I think I knew that my body wasn't cooperating.

I spent my 35th birthday drinking chicken broth and preparing for surgery. No cake for me. Surgery was the next morning.

Everything went well during surgery. Cysts were removed from my ovaries, growths from inside my uterus, endometriosis from my bladder, and a lot of tissue that was connecting my uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes. A lot was done!! Much more than during my previous surgery. The Doctor said that there was no way we would have become pregnant on our own. My fallopian tubes are not in good shape. If we had gotten pregnant, that connective tissue could have caused major growth restriction of my uterus which could have been very dangerous. We are so thankful to have everything cleaned out and in seemingly good working order. My recovery has been so much better and easier than last time around! We are so thankful for the prayers of our friends and family!!

So, we start IVF again very soon. We are excited. I will try to do  a better job of blogging!!

The Human Pin Cushion

The human pin cushion. That is what it feels like, anyway. Once the IVF process gets going there are needles, needles everywhere. Shots daily. Blood drawn almost daily. It is an odd feeling to be in a doctors office full of women with bandages around their arms at their elbows. It's an odd sisterhood. You know you are all there to achieve the same thing. Maybe you have different issues, but you all need the help of doctors and science to become pregnant. You wonder how long they have been trying. Second marriage late in life? Hoping for a first or fourth child? Is she a surrogate or an egg donor? Some people share their stories. Most don't.

You go to the same office so many times that four days feels like a month. Your arms bruise from blood being drawn daily. You hope that no one thinks that you have a new drug habit. Do you wear 3/4 length sleeves just so that no one can see the bruising? You wonder if you can possibly replenish all of the blood that they have taken out of your body and then become pregnant! And on top of it all the hormones give everyone a slightly different reaction- weight gain, weight loss, hot flashes, fluid retention, insomnia, nausea. Thankfully my side effects have been minimal. Mostly a bit of sleep interruption. I wake up really early. Annoyingly early. Afternoon naps become a must.

All of the blood work and doctors appointments are to monitor your egg growth. First they look at how many follicles you have. Those have potential to make eggs. These are seen through ultrasound and not the warm jelly on your belly kind. Let's just say that you get real familiar with that ultrasound tech! the blood work watches different levels of hormones and your medications are adjusted accordingly. It is really amazing what they can do and see. By about day 5-6 of your cycle it can be determined how many eggs your body is going to mature. Amazing!!!

For me, my first cycle of IVF ended there. My body was not producing the amount of eggs that it should be. When you are going to be put under anesthesia for a doctor to retrieve tiny eggs from your follicles you want it to be worthwhile. I was not producing enough to make it worthwhile. It was devastating. But now, a few days from that point, I know that it was a good decision. We'll start again with my next cycle. In the meantime I get to take hormones orally. That is much easier than a shot! But I know that those shots will be there to greet me soon.

Here's hoping for more eggs next time around!

How Do You Grow A Family?

This is a question that has been on my mind for awhile now. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Most families grow from two to three when they've had some intimate time together at the right time of the month. Many times new life happens unplanned. Sometimes it is waited for and hoped for, planned and charted. But what happens when your family doesn't grow that way? How do you go from two to three when all of your best laid plans don't happen?

I guess I am not too surprised that my "plans" for parenthood haven't worked out the way I thought they would. I mean, I thought that I would get married in my early 20's, pop out a few babies and live happily ever after. The man of my dreams didn't show up for quite some time. Late 20's replaced early 20's. Getting out of debt put the longing for children in the background. When we got around to being ready for children the road has been long and winding. Growing our family is taking time and dedication, with lots of obstacles along the way!

It's hard to watch your friends families grow when you want yours to be growing with them. It is hard to  answer the question, " Do you have any kids?", when you so desperately want them and know that your age says that you should have them already. Do you tell your story of trying for years to have children to every person who asks? Of course not. But it is difficult to not become calloused and put up walls.

Back to my question. How do you grow a family, especially in our circumstances? My mind has swirled with these thoughts for weeks, maybe even months. Do you adopt? Do you go through IVF? Do you foster children? Do you remain just the two of you and enjoy life together? I have gone back and forth, up and down. It is a difficult decision no matter which one you choose.

I guess I should explain our circumstances. I have Stage III Endometriosis. There are four stages. Basically it is in a lot of places, attaches one ovary to my uterus, caused cysts on my other ovary that were removed during surgery, and could grow anywhere in my body but especially in my abdominal cavity. It circulates in your blood stream and causes inflammation and many other responses that can't really be tested. At this stage is causes infertility quite often. Our chances of becoming pregnant on our own are very very small.

I was disheartened to find out this news. I was sad, scared, felt broken and wondered about our future- our family. I started doing research on endometriosis, especially stage III or IV. I read online. I read in books. I read and read. I found out that with IVF- In Vitro Fertilization- women like me have a really good chance of becoming pregnant. I never thought that I would consider IVF. NEVER. But I wasn't where I am today. It wasn't my only hope of conceiving and carrying our baby. It was scary and sciency. That was before I learned so much about it.

IVF has come a long way since its inception. Rates are quite good. Doctors control medications well and aren't trying to get you to freeze football teams worth of embryos. The research so far shows no difference between children conceived conventionally and conceived via IVF. No major illnessess. No major deformities. People conceived through IVF are now having children of their own. And for women with endometriosis it works well.

After much soul searching, interviewing doctors, prayers and research we have decided to move forward with IVF. I have always wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. Call me a weirdo, I know- at least for the childbirth part. This may be my only chance to experience these. I have never been opposed to adoption and still open to it, but IVF depends heavily on age and egg reserve. Right now those are in our favor. So, now is the time to move forward in it.

IVF isn't talked about a whole lot. Heck. Infertility isn't talked about very much. I want to talk about it. I hope to share my journey here, give you a little glimpse behind the scenes. I will go into some detail, but not too much detail. There may be talk of shots or cycles, hopes, fears, hormones and surely highs and lows. There may be sleepless nights, hot flashes, and swollen ovaries. There will be a journey. For that you can be sure.

You ready? Here we go......